Somebody send me $60

YIKES. My daughter goes to a Catholic school.

One thing that is required is that the kids are to take a box of 30 candy bars, they are supposed to sell these candy bars for $2.00 each. The net is that the school gets $60 in fund raising income, not sure what the actual profit is to the school, I suspect the school gets about $45 out of the $60?

Now here is the problem. I sell candy for a living. I have a warehouse full of chocolate, caramel and other tasty treats. I know good chocolate when I taste it. So we dutifully took a box of "the worlds best" chocolate (it says something like that on the box), wrote a check for $60 and went on our way. Tonight I ate one of these candy bars. I should say I bit into it and spit it back into the foil.

This stuff is HORRIBLE chocolate.

So here is my proposal, you send me $60 and I will NOT send you this chocolate. If you don't pay up, then someday, somewhere, a piece of this nasty ass chocolate will find its way to you. You will eat it. And you will remember that you could have saved yourself not only grief, but an hour of vomiting and wretching followed by the consumption of an extra large bottle of Extra Strength Pepto Bismol. Seriously, $60 is a small price to pay for the piece of mind that you will gain, knowing that I will never slip one of these into your lunch when you least expect it.

I was laughing so hard at this, the wife thought I was crazy. I had to have her come and read it. She was then laughing as well.

This story was almost as good as your diesel fuel laundry episode Bob.

Why don't you talk to the school and make them a super deal on the real thing for next years fund raiser??? My guess is that the major chocolate manufacturers must have some sort of fund raising products..... Junk....

OK, not I am not going to say for sure that the box of chocolate I have is from the batch that is featured in this news article. But something tells me that if some guy is stuck waist deep in chocolate for a coulple hours then there will be some funky body residues that will be exuded into that batch of chocolate.

Now since the box of chocolate I have is argueably the worlds worst chocolate (despite the claims otherwise on the label) I have to wonder if it is possible that the nasty taste has something to do with some body funk left over from some guy who got stuck in chocolate! So that said, my threat is real. If you guys don't send me money, then I am going to start to disperse these chocolate bars out to you. Some day, somehow, you will be biting into what you think is a good piece of "the worlds best chocolate" but instead, you will eat chocolate with butt crack sweat and other nasty things. DON'T TEST ME. Just send the money.

Go ahead and send it down here. I'll feed it to the neighbors dogs he can't seem to keep in his own yard.

That's funny Bob!!!

Our school doesn't have a requirement that each student sells things but they do have a "mega-event" for all students that sold a certain amount of fund-raising "thingys" (food, candy...) and of course, mine want to attend.

I won't sell the "thingys" for reasons you described as well as the fact I don't like having to pawn this stuff off to friends and family.

So, at the request of many parents, they now offer a donation option instead of selling goods. I just write a check and we're done. Much easier that way. You may want to see if your daughter's school will do the same.

bczoom said:

So, at the request of many parents, they now offer a donation option instead of selling goods. I just write a check and we're done. Much easier that way. You may want to see if your daughter's school will do the same.

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Her old school did just that. I will be talking to this school.

It seems to me I can buy a $60 box of total crap and the school can get $45 in profit, or I can give them a check for $60 and they can keep all $60. Why the hell do I want to sell absolutely horrible candy to anyone? And if not horrible candy, then maybe it will be overpriced candles, or some other garbage. If you are going slap me for the money, then just add it to my tuition fee, but don't embarrass me and harrass my friends! At least I have the ForumsForums members to send this junk too, but not everyone has an outlet like that.

BTW, no money has arrived at my home from FF members yet. You guys/gals better start writing those checks or you will be getting this crap!

B_Skurka said:

Her old school did just that. I will be talking to this school.

It seems to me I can buy a $60 box of total crap and the school can get $45 in profit, or I can give them a check for $60 and they can keep all $60.

Click to expand...

If they're going to institute this policy, it should be for the $45, not $60.

bczoom said:

If they're going to institute this policy, it should be for the $45, not $60.

Click to expand...

I'll actually suggest that $60 is fair for a couple reasons.

1. If I do the candy routine, it costs me $60 anyway
2. Some families actually sell more than 1 box of this and earn more, so given that, it probably "averages" out to about $60 in actual profit per child.

I just dropped my daughter off at soccer practice and her coach came up to me to ask me a question. Do you know what the question was? He wanted to know if I wanted my daughter to sell the chocolate candy this year or if I wanted to just give them $50 like I did last year. You know what I did!

**Edit**

Actually, his first question was "Do you have a stiff neck?"

Dargo. You suck.

But on the bright side, everyone else on the ForumsForums can now rest easily and feel very safe in their homes again. You will be getting all 29 of the remaining "worlds best chocolate" bars from me. I won't tell you when, I won't tell you how. But there will be 29 times when you will bite into something that you think is good and it will be one of these remaining bars. Perhaps it will be melted into fondue? Perhaps it will be broken into chips and made into chocolate chip cookies? Perhaps it will be shaved into chocolate ribbons and used to decorate a cake, or melted and turned into brownies. Heck it might even be molded into Ex-Lax and you will get a doubly bad surprise that day!

But you, sir, have jumped on the grenade and save everyone else.

Bob......My sweet corn is ripe for picking & the coons are tearing down the stalks & stealing the ears. Do you think the absoulute "BEST" chocolates would detract the 'coons from stealing our corn ? Would I be up on charges for animal cruelty if I bait the coons with your chocolate ? Can I just hang dixie chix cd's on strings to keep the conservitive coons out of the garden, & just bait the liberal coons with your chocolates ?

Hell...... I was hoping for at least one bar to poison the pesky racoons....