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Case You Missed It Dept.:

Bamby

New member
In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Wall Street billionaire Jeffrey Epstein pleaded not guilty in New York federal court Monday to engaging in sex and sex trafficking with minors. The FBI is looking for more underage sex victims of the Epstein case to come forward. They've even set up a toll-free number, which is 1-800-CLINTON.

Democratic presidential candidate and front-runner Joe Biden released his tax returns for last year which showed that Joe earned sixteen million dollars in income last year. That's eighty times more money than he ever earned in one year his entire life. He's running against the Trump economy.

Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez accused Speaker Nancy Pelosi of racism while grandstanding uninvited at a committee hearing on U.S. border conditions. Her behavior has many voters in her district embarrassed and dismayed. How drunk do you have to be to elect your bartender?

Nancy Pelosi advised illegal aliens who've been ordered deported not to answer the door when ICE comes knocking. There's an answer to every tactic. Ten bucks says that today ICE agents are sweeping through East L.A. neighborhoods disguised as the Publisher's Clearing House Prize Patrol.

President Trump angered liberals by ordering ICE to start rounding up illegals who have been ordered by a judge back to their countries. The government has been making life in Hollywood intolerable. No plastic straws for our cocaine and, starting yesterday, no Mexicans to clean our pools.

Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Congresswoman Ilhan Omar claimed in their press conference they represent Americans who are overlooked and disregarded because of their minority status. I myself have Mexican blood. It's on my front bumper, but that's a police matter.

Hillary Clinton gave a speech so strong in New Hampshire. It gave reporters the feeling Hillary is thinking about running for president. The path isn't exactly strewn with roses. Right now, Bill Clinton has to be worrying that Jeffrey Epstein is going to throw him under the school bus.

-- Argus Hamilton

What's the difference between ET and an illegal alien? ET learned English and wanted to go home.

Dem candidates call for the Beatles' song 'Get Back' and the 'White Album' to be banned; surviving two white guys of the group must pay reparations.
 

Bamby

New member
In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Nancy Pelosi threw down the gauntlet Wednesday and announced House Democrats will hold an impeachment probe of President Trump. It's nothing they haven't already been doing for the past two and a half years. I think the biggest news all week is that Ukraine has reliable phone service.

House Democrats moved to impeach Trump for intriguing with Ukraine to expose Joe Biden's Ukraine intrigue. It gets sillier each minute. A second transcript has emerged of Trump asking Trudeau on the phone if wearing blackface helps your jokes get bigger laughs from a white audience.

House Democrats claimed that Trump offered Ukraine's president military aid then asked him for dirt on Hunter Biden. He'd snared two huge lucrative deals with Ukraine and China while his father was the VP. Liz Warren doesn't have a drop of Indian blood and even she can read those smoke signals.

President Trump is cited by Democrats for checking on Ukraine's probe into Joe Biden's son Hunter. He was busted out of the Navy for drug use in 2014 and landed on the board of a Ukraine energy company. The only thing Hunter Biden knows about energy is that cocaine gives him lots of it.

Nancy Pelosi's impeachment inquiry got underway which differs from impeachment investigation. An inquiry doesn't allow any Republican witnesses. I just hate playing Monopoly with House Democrats because they always want to just keep rolling the dice until they get what they want.

Hillary Clinton went on CBS Good Morning and stated that Trump is self-destructing because he had a guilty conscience about stealing the 2016 election. The opera just never ends with her. Would somebody PLEASE give Hillary a participation trophy so she'll think she won something?

Hillary Clinton granted TV interviews last weekend ahead of her listening tour and her rage at Trump is still evident. Once during therapy, Hillary's analyst suggested she write a letter to all the people she hates and then burn them. It was too late when she discovered that the analyst meant the letters.

Elizabeth Warren admitted she might have to overcome lingering sexism to get elected president. How sexist is this country? Cheating to get your daughter into college gets you jail time while cheating to get your son a high-paying job in Ukraine can get you nominated for president.

Adam Schiff opened by making up the dialogue of what Trump said to Ukraine's president, as if he were a mob boss, then said it was parody. Scarlett Johansson just called wanting to make love to me. Okay it was the power company threatening to cut off my electricity, but my parody is much better.

Democratic presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren began to move ahead of Joe Biden in the polls as she strives to widen her voting base. She's begun reaching out directly to Biden's African-American voters. Warren now admits she was never Cherokee, it turns out she's a Blackfoot.

-- Argus Hamilton
 

Bamby

New member
In Case You Missed It Dept.:

The Christian Science Monitor asked for less vulgar language in political discourse on cable TV. The same day, scientists announced they've just invented a wristband which emits an electric shock to your body whenever you say a curse word. The news left Robert DeNiro speechless.

The University of Edinburgh will be hosting a forum in which white people are not allowed to ask any questions at the event. The format is gaining popularity on the left. House Democrats are currently hosting a forum in which white people aren't allowed to ask any questions about the Bidens.

Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders felt chest pains and checked into the Las Vegas Sunrise Hospital. It's the hospital where your odds of living are posted on the board at the Caesar's Palace sports book. Doctors say Bernie's in good spirits but soon he'll be back to his old self.

Jerry Jones mocked the NFL referees who flagged his coach for unsportsmanlike conduct for cussing at the referees when a big penalty was called against the Dallas Cowboys. Jones is facing a huge fine. Apparently, Trump's not enough, the whistleblowers are now going after Trump supporters.

Hillary Clinton called Trump an illegitimate president while giving TV interviews to promote her book. She still has a legal cloud over her head. If Trump really wants to lock Hillary up, he should just give her a job in the Trump administration and the House Democrats will do it for him.

President Trump spoke with reporters and tore into House Democrats and the media over their mania to make his call to Ukraine a scandal. It's nuts. I'd give anything for the House impeachment hearings to formally begin by somebody asking AOC to point out Ukraine on the map.

Democratic Socialist candidate Bernie Sanders checked out of the hospital in Las Vegas l after suffering a heart attack while campaigning in Nevada. He'll be in the presidential debate. Bernie's prognosis is for a full recovery, which is a lot more than you can say for his economic plan.

NBC News quoted the whistle-blower's lawyer saying that a second whistleblower has come forward to rat out Trump to the Intelligence Committee. It sounds less like evidence than commentary. The whistleblower didn't overhear Trump's phone call to Ukraine, but he watches CNN.

Bernie Sanders was in Nevada when chest pains forced him into the hospital where a surgeon put in two stents. Bernie's hospital room is filled with flowers, balloons and cards. Hillary was nice enough to have a double-chili dog with onions and an order of steak fries delivered to him personally.

The NBA apologized to China after a Houston Rockets GM tweeted his support for the Hong Kong protestors. That's a total abdication of Anglo-American values. The NBA is also apologizing in advance to North Korea, Iran, Iraq, and any other repressive regimes they could make money from.

-- Argus Hamilton
 

Bamby

New member
In Case You Missed It Dept.:

The White House Counsel wrote House Democrats Tuesday saying an impeachment inquiry without a House vote to impeach is invalid. The comedy continues. Joe Biden demanded that Trump be impeached for questioning the honesty of the Eastern European billionaire Hunter Biden.

North Carolina police arrested three workers at a senior living home for staging a Fight Club for dementia patients. They coaxed old people with no memories into beating each other up. The three fired workers have just been hired to moderate the next Democratic presidential debates.

Hillary Clinton kept dropping hints she might run for president during TV interviews plugging her new book about Gutsy Women. Over the weekend, I saw a photo of Hilary standing on a hill gazing at a cemetery. You couldn't tell if she was saying hello to the voters or goodbye to the witnesses.

The NBA is catching a lot of grief from fans for apologizing to the government of China after the Houston Rockets' GM tweeted support of the Hong Kong protestors. The NBA isn't the only U.S. brand beholden to Beijing. Rumor has it that Chinese restaurants now sell cats, dogs and Bidens.

The Democratic presidential candidates squared off in a hot debate where Joe Biden, Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders jostled for airtime amid the noise of seven other candidates onstage. The day before, Joe Biden announced his new anti-corruption plan. He's disowning his son.

New York City had a huge Columbus Day parade along Fifth Avenue where a million New Yorkers celebrate their Italian heritage. In many states, the Columbus Day Monday has been renamed Indigenous Peoples Day. That's the day when Elizabeth Warren is only 1/1024th angry.

Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio Cortez teared up during a speech Monday declaring that she won't have children because this planet is so doomed. I get the message. If I'm oblivious to climate change I'm going to die, but if I'm obsessed with climate change, I will die more meaningfully.

Nancy Pelosi arranged for Trump's impeachment hearing to be held in the House Intelligence Committee behind closed doors, allowing no defense lawyer present. Trump's not allowed to produce any evidence or any witnesses and it's done in secret. That'll teach Trump to threaten our democracy.

Hillary Clinton and her daughter Chelsea are doing talk shows to plug their book about Gutsy Women. This week Chelsea Clinton is being urged to run for an open congressional seat next year in New York. She has tremendous name recognition and if she can overcome that, she could win.

The Pew Research Center released a survey of American voters and found the partisan divide is sharper and angrier than ever before. It's driving people crazy, so you can imagine what it's doing to crazy people. I'm no longer speaking to my imaginary friend due to our political differences.

Turkey delayed their war with the Kurds in Northern Syria for four days after U.S. intervention. Both the Turks and the Kurds were desperate to have Trump on their side. At one point you couldn't tell if the both armies were digging trenches or looking for dirt on Joe and Hunter Biden.

-- Argus Hamilton
 
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