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Need advise

tsaw

New member
GOLD Site Supporter
As some know from getting to know me, I have a 17 yr old daughter Diana. She will graduate next month. And be 18 on June 26th. I raised her from diapers till now. Her mom lives in TX. Now all of a sudden her mom has made a great long lost relationship with Diana. Diana has been accepted in to the University of Barron College in Wisconsin. Her mom is not coming for her graduation - but sending her hubby to attend... and take her back to TX for the summer. Then fly her back to WI to attend college. Diana is all excited to go. BUT!! I know her mom. She is going to try and get her to stay in TX. She already said that she can get her into a better college in TX. She is a money grubbing bitch.

So.. what do I do? If I forbid her to go.. i will alienate her. If i tell her go ahead you will find out the hard way.. She still will go.
 

Galvatron

Spock and Galvatron < one and the same
Have trust in her and the instincts you have installed....damned if you do and damned if you dont but trust and respect will stand you both in good stead.

Best wishes to you both and try not to worry.
 

jpr62902

Jeanclaude Spam Banhammer
SUPER Site Supporter
As some know from getting to know me, I have a 17 yr old daughter Diana. She will graduate next month. And be 18 on June 26th. I raised her from diapers till now. Her mom lives in TX. Now all of a sudden her mom has made a great long lost relationship with Diana. Diana has been accepted in to the University of Barron College in Wisconsin. Her mom is not coming for her graduation - but sending her hubby to attend... and take her back to TX for the summer. Then fly her back to WI to attend college. Diana is all excited to go. BUT!! I know her mom. She is going to try and get her to stay in TX. She already said that she can get her into a better college in TX. She is a money grubbing bitch.

So.. what do I do? If I forbid her to go.. i will alienate her. If i tell her go ahead you will find out the hard way.. She still will go.

You can't really forbid her to go, now can you? If your daughter decides to choose a college in Texas, look at it this way. She's still going to college, so support her in her choice. It seems to me you're worried when you shouldn't be. It already looks like you've done a good job raising her, so give her a chance to apply the lessons you have taught her.
 
D

darroll

Guest
Don't say anything bad about her mother.
This could backfire.
 

CityGirl

Silver Member
SUPER Site Supporter
I think you have gotten the best of advice from every response above. No doubt your heart breaks at the thought that your Diana might make a choice that would take her away from you but it is time to let her spread her wings. I think it is extremely important that you show her that as always, you want her happiness and that you will always love her no matter what decision she makes and that you will always be there for her. She needs to know you love her enough to let her go. You are in my thoughts.
 

Trakternut

Active member
Adendum to CityGirl's post; You may lose her for a while, but, she will never forget you. Quite possibly, you may get her back. Make a big stink over it and her maw will have ammo for an argument that you're a first class (#$*&.
You're a good guy. Everyone will see that.
 

Cowboy

Wait for it.
GOLD Site Supporter
Bummer Tsaw , Hope it works out . But I would be more concerned of how well do you know the hubby & trust Him That the EX is sending to attend & You turn Your Daughter over to for traveling back to Texas . THAT would be My biggest concern . :unsure:
 

tsaw

New member
GOLD Site Supporter
You people on here are better than paying for a therapy session. Every reply is sound advice.
I really like these quotes:
(gavi)damned if you do and damned if you dont but trust and respect will stand you both in good stead.
(Jpr)You can't really forbid her to go, now can you? If your daughter decides to choose a college in Texas, look at it this way. She's still going to college, so support her in her choice.
(darroll)Don't say anything bad about her mother.
This could backfire.
(citygirl)No doubt your heart breaks at the thought that your Diana might make a choice that would take her away from you but it is time to let her spread her wings. I think it is extremely important that you show her that as always, you want her happiness and that you will always love her no matter what decision she makes and that you will always be there for her. She needs to know you love her enough to let her go.
(trakternut)You may lose her for a while, but, she will never forget you. Quite possibly, you may get her back. Make a big stink over it and her maw will have ammo for an argument that you're a first class (#$*&.
(cowboy)But I would be more concerned of how well do you know the hubby & trust Him That the EX is sending to attend & You turn Your Daughter over to for traveling back to Texas
I value and appreciate the replies.
I do understand that this is not a time to be try and keep her from her mother. - and not support her decision. At first I was against the whole idea.. and have begun to say "go for it" . And now she is thinking about it! Rather than just wanting to do it because her mom says that it's what she should do.
 

pirate_girl

legendary ⚓
GOLD Site Supporter
Tom, I have been reading this from the beginning and as so many others have said, and I'll say.. you had that baby girl for all these years and formed her, YOU gave her the wings.
She'll not disappoint Daddy. I think she'll use all the experience and tools you've instilled in her as she makes her way in the world.
Smile and give yourself a pat on the back.. and watch her blossom into one bright, beautiful- SUCCESSFUL lady.
 

fogtender

Now a Published Author
Site Supporter
Look at it as a game of poker, the mom just raised the pot, but never played the game until now... Sooo...

As soon as she gets down to Texas, fight fire with fire... Buy her a really nice sports car for her to go to College with up North and it is waiting for her when she comes home to head North... AND it doesn't have Air Conditioning for the Hotter Weather for a place like TX...

Bribes are a strong draw....
 

tsaw

New member
GOLD Site Supporter
It's official: Diana just told me she is not going to Texas period! I didn't have to bribe her or - bad mouth her mom. She decided on her own. I just let her make up her mind all by herself. The reasons were that only her mom is in TX.. all the rest of her family and friends are here. Wow! Her two grandmas are going to love this news.
I gave her a big hug.. and she agreed that I'm awesome for not trying to keep her from going if that's what she decided! Life IS GOOD!
 

fogtender

Now a Published Author
Site Supporter
It's official: Diana just told me she is not going to Texas period! I didn't have to bribe her or - bad mouth her mom. She decided on her own. I just let her make up her mind all by herself. The reasons were that only her mom is in TX.. all the rest of her family and friends are here. Wow! Her two grandmas are going to love this news.
I gave her a big hug.. and she agreed that I'm awesome for not trying to keep her from going if that's what she decided! Life IS GOOD!

Sooo, what kind of car are you going to get her?:yum:
 

pirate_girl

legendary ⚓
GOLD Site Supporter
It's official: Diana just told me she is not going to Texas period! I didn't have to bribe her or - bad mouth her mom. She decided on her own. I just let her make up her mind all by herself. The reasons were that only her mom is in TX.. all the rest of her family and friends are here. Wow! Her two grandmas are going to love this news.
I gave her a big hug.. and she agreed that I'm awesome for not trying to keep her from going if that's what she decided! Life IS GOOD!
Fantastic! :D
 

tsaw

New member
GOLD Site Supporter
Update: Diana graduated last weekend with high honors and all..
All good. Her mom who lives in TX promised to come hell or high water. Her mom even booked the VFW center in Hayward for her graduation party.
Guess what? No Show. Not only a no show - but not a single card sent. Now - a week later Diana's mom is filling her with all kinds of excuses. And from what I hear on this end of the phone - she is buying it hook line and sinker. It's been this way ever since that girl was a baby. Her mom has always promised the world - and never delivered. And Diana keeps going back for more. All the time I never called her mom what she is. I'm ready to lose it! I don't know.. Is that bond between child and mother so strong, that it blinds the truth? I give up!
 

pirate_girl

legendary ⚓
GOLD Site Supporter
That's terrible.
Sounds to me like Diana loves her Mom so much, that she's willing to risk being let down and lied to time and again.

P.S: Your ex sounds like a piece of work! grrrrrrr
 

tsaw

New member
GOLD Site Supporter
I just asked Diana what is going on in TX.
She said "nothing"

This is after a 30 minute phone call of her listening to her mom filling her head with nonsense.

Oh well.. I've let it go without questions before..
so I'll do that again.
 

pirate_girl

legendary ⚓
GOLD Site Supporter
I just asked Diana what is going on in TX.
She said "nothing"

This is after a 30 minute phone call of her listening to her mom filling her head with nonsense.

Oh well.. I've let it go without questions before..
so I'll do that again.

That's the best thing to do Tom.
Her Mother let her down in a big way, and she knows it.
Just remember, you've got her there with you and you can soothe away anything that hurts her.
What her Mom promises and does from afar will soon fade away.
Perhaps one day she (Mother) will come to her senses.
 

muleman

Gone But Not Forgotten
GOLD Site Supporter
Tom, just keep things steady and stable for her at home. You can't control what her mother does or fails to do. She knows what the real score is or she would not still be staying with you. sounds like she has a good foundation to build from as she goes on in her life.:flowers:
 

Trakternut

Active member
In time, I think, your daughter will finally have her fill of Mom's lies and broken promises. At some point she'll tell her mom to go take a flying f*ck at a rolling donut.
 
D

darroll

Guest
My kids mother told my daughter I hired a hit man to kill her.
I asked, why is she still here then? Does she have fifty bullet holes in her car?
I still think they still believe her.
Watch those moma/daughter bonds.
 

tsaw

New member
GOLD Site Supporter
Mother/daughter bonds are very strong.

Well said..
This thread is not going to be the happy ending we all wish it was. Diana is now saying she is NOT going to college in WI this fall.. which she is enrolled - and has schollarships for.. but is taking a year off to go to TX. Why? She says she misses her mom.
I guess this is what happens when you raise a child from diapers - without mom there. Mom can come in at the last minute and all of a sudden care. I give up. It's not right - and it is unfair.
In 20 days Diana will be 18.. so I have nothing to say about what she does.
 

pirate_girl

legendary ⚓
GOLD Site Supporter
Well said..
This thread is not going to be the happy ending we all wish it was. Diana is now saying she is NOT going to college in WI this fall.. which she is enrolled - and has schollarships for.. but is taking a year off to go to TX. Why? She says she misses her mom.
I guess this is what happens when you raise a child from diapers - without mom there. Mom can come in at the last minute and all of a sudden care. I give up. It's not right - and it is unfair.
In 20 days Diana will be 18.. so I have nothing to say about what she does.
Sounds to me like Mom is persuading her somehow, Tom.
It might not turn out to be such a bad thing if you allow her to go and be with her Mother, but then again.. we never know how these things will turn out, do we?
I don't know a damn thing about parents playing against the other where their children are concerned.
I never said a bad thing about my ex to my sons, but then again, I didn't have to. They knew the deal.
I DO know about "kids" playing their parents even when they are old enough to wipe their own ass. But that's another thread.
Makes me sad to think you are being hit with all this right now.
 
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