Forums Forums - Off Topic Forum FUN




Go Back   Forums Forums - Off Topic Forum FUN > Off Topic Forums > Jokes_Forum

Jokes_Forum Jokes and more to tickle your funny bone.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1  
Old 10-14-2019, 08:13 PM
Doc's Avatar
Doc Doc is offline
Forum Admin

 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 35,500
Thanks: 27,703
Thanked 21,797 Times in 7,856 Posts
Doc will become famous soon enoughDoc will become famous soon enough
Default JOKE OF THE DAY

JOKE OF THE DAY:
Suddenly, a cow runs out onto the road, and a limo driving
late at night, hits it head on, and the car comes to a stop.
The woman in the back seat, in her usual abrasive manner,
says to the Chauffeur, "You get out and check on that poor
cow. You were driving."

So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the
animal is dead, but it appeared to be very old.
Well, says the woman, "You were driving, so you go and
tell the farmer in that lighted farmhouse over there."

Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally inebriated,
a full belly, his hair ruffled, and a big grin on his face.
"My God, what happened to you?" asks the nasty woman.

The chauffeur replies, "When I got there, the farmer
opened his best bottle of single malt scotch, the wife gave
me a meal fit for a king, and the daughter made love to me."
"What on earth did you say?" asks the woman.

Well, I just knocked on the door, and when it opened,
I said to them, "I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've
just killed the old cow."
__________________
Scott me up Beamy.

Other Fun Forums:

Net Tractor and RTV Talk + Net Cooking Talk
Reply With Quote
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Doc For This Useful Post:
baldy347 (11-04-2019), Bamby (10-15-2019), bczoom  (10-15-2019), Danang Sailor (10-19-2019), FrancSevin (10-14-2019), jim slagle  (10-14-2019), Lenny (10-15-2019), loboloco (10-15-2019), m1west (10-15-2019), mla2ofus (10-14-2019), Pontoon Princess (10-21-2019)
  #2  
Old 10-15-2019, 10:24 AM
Bannedjoe's Avatar
Bannedjoe Bannedjoe is offline
Bronze Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: Location, location
Posts: 400
Thanks: 76
Thanked 860 Times in 316 Posts
Bannedjoe is on a distinguished road
Default Re: JOKE OF THE DAY

...
Attached Images
 
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 11-03-2019, 07:26 PM
Bannedjoe's Avatar
Bannedjoe Bannedjoe is offline
Bronze Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: Location, location
Posts: 400
Thanks: 76
Thanked 860 Times in 316 Posts
Bannedjoe is on a distinguished road
Default Re: JOKE OF THE DAY

A CNN REPORTER WALKS INTO A NEIGHBORHOOD TAVERN AND IS ABOUT TO ORDER A DRINK WHEN HE SEES A GUY AT THE END OF THE BAR WEARING A "MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN" HAT. IT DIDN'T TAKE AN EINSTEIN TO KNOW THE GUY WAS A DONALD TRUMP SUPPORTER.

THE CNN GUY SHOUTS OVER TO THE BARTENDER, LOUDLY ENOUGH THAT EVERYONE IN THE BAR COULD HEAR, "DRINKS FOR EVERYONE IN HERE, BARTENDER, EXCEPT FOR THAT TRUMP SUPPORTER."

AFTER THE DRINKS WERE HANDED OUT THE TRUMP GUY GIVES THE CNN GUY A BIG SMILE, WAVES AT HIM AND SAYS, IN AN EQUALLY LOUD VOICE, "THANK YOU!"

THIS INFURIATES THE CNN REPORTER. SO HE ONCE AGAIN LOUDLY ORDERS DRINKS FOR EVERYONE EXCEPT THE GUY WEARING THE TRUMP HAT. AS BEFORE, THIS DOESN'T SEEM TO BOTHER THE TRUMP GUY. HE JUST CONTINUES TO SMILE AND AGAIN YELLS, "THANK YOU!"

SO THE CNN GUY AGAIN LOUDLY ORDERS DRINKS FOR EVERYONE EXCEPT THE TRUMP GUY. AND AGAIN THE TRUMP GUY JUST SMILES AND YELLS BACK, "THANK YOU!"

AT THAT POINT THE AGGRAVATED CNN REPORTER ASKS THE BARTENDER, "WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH THAT TRUMP SUPPORTER? I'VE ORDERED THREE ROUNDS OF DRINKS FOR EVERYONE IN THE BAR BUT HIM AND ALL THE SILLY ASS DOES IS SMILE AND THANK ME. IS HE NUTS?"

"NOPE," REPLIES THE BARTENDER. "HE OWNS THE PLACE."
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Bannedjoe For This Useful Post:
baldy347 (11-04-2019), Bamby (11-09-2019), jim slagle  (11-09-2019), Lenny (11-04-2019)
  #4  
Old 11-09-2019, 08:27 AM
Bamby's Avatar
Bamby Bamby is offline
Silver Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Near Wheeling W.V.
Posts: 3,705
Thanks: 753
Thanked 5,401 Times in 1,824 Posts
Bamby will become famous soon enough
Style: T66_BiggerFont
Default Re: JOKE OF THE DAY

A young Arkie goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all of his money on his girlfriend - he calls home.

“Dad,” he says, “You won’t believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here at Hendrix that will teach our dog, Ole’ Blue how to talk!” “That’s amazing,” his Dad says. “How do I get Ole’ Blue in that program?”

“Just send him over here with $1,000” the young Arkie says, “and I’ll get him in the course.” So, his Father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

“So, how’s Ole’ Blue doing son?” his Father asks.

“Awesome, Dad, he’s talking up a storm,” he says, “but you just won’t believe this — they’ve had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!”

“Read!?” says his Father, “No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?” “Just send $2,500, I’ll get him in the class.”

The money promptly arrives. The Arkie and his girlfriend are able to buy enough marijuana to last the whole semester. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his Father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. Even though he was always pretty much able to lie his way out of trouble, the Arkie asked his girlfriend to help him think of a really good lie to tell his Dad. She very quickly came up with a plan for him.

So, she has him shoot the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his Father is all excited.

“Where’s Ole’ Blue? I just can’t wait to see him read something and talk!”

“Dad,” the boy says, “I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole’ Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does.”

“Then Ole’ Blue turned to me and asked, ‘So - is your Daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?’”

The Father went white and exclaimed, “I hope you shot that lying dog before he talks to your Mother!”

“I sure did, Daddy!

“That’s my boy!”
__________________
A big part of what is wrong with this country, is that we refuse to allow Darwin to work.

If all warning labels were removed, the gene pool would be relatively cleansed in just a few short years.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Im not sure it is a joke tommu56 Jokes_Forum 2 02-27-2012 08:06 PM
this is no joke....... luvs Jokes_Forum 3 02-25-2012 01:32 AM
Another bar joke jimbo Jokes_Forum 1 12-22-2010 01:25 PM
joke benspawpaw Adult Topics Forum 0 05-16-2009 02:59 PM





All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:02 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright © 2002 - 2018 www.ForumsForums.com