Forums Forums - Off Topic Forum FUN





Go Back   Forums Forums - Off Topic Forum FUN > Off Topic Forums > Creative Writing & Poetry Forum

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1  
Old 01-28-2013, 12:11 AM
luvs's Avatar
luvs luvs is offline
'lil yinzer~
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: pittsburgh, pa
Posts: 4,840
Thanks: 297
Thanked 508 Times in 335 Posts
luvs will become famous soon enoughluvs will become famous soon enough
Default the bitch

could pretend that you don't weep
when inside you know so well
how when u keep these sorrows in
a quell is a mere quell.
things you would not choose to keep within-
they're tearing at your soul.
cannot look Him in the eyes, &
says there was no toll.

yet you'll lift your chin & look away
tho you know your chest is aching
paste on a paste-on grin
& try & quell that inner-shaking.

try & try; supress it all
lift your chin & hide the pain
when really 'at isn't you at all.
if u ignore & you disain.
say you've lived a life of nothing
& you've tried to play 'pretend'
we know that u've supressed so much-
that hidden fear.......
that means nothing in the end

you try & put it in a box named,
'all my hidden pain.'
put that as a lullyabye in ur mind.
that place we call, disdain.'
someone may well find those fears.
may use them for thier gain.

if you have a fear,
tucked away inside
sadly, in this day & time
u can merely say u tried.

you gave your mind,
a heart, a brain.......
u gave the ur to Him.
your soul.
eventually we say good-bye.
yet learn so from the toll.

-written by a.b./aka luvs

from my heart/mind/soul/thoughts
__________________
bring it; don't sing it!
Yeah, STEELERS!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 01-28-2013, 12:33 AM
luvs's Avatar
luvs luvs is offline
'lil yinzer~
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: pittsburgh, pa
Posts: 4,840
Thanks: 297
Thanked 508 Times in 335 Posts
luvs will become famous soon enoughluvs will become famous soon enough
Default Re: the bitch

& i know that needs to be written again, smoothly. that poured forth, w/ minimal self-critique.
__________________
bring it; don't sing it!
Yeah, STEELERS!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 01-30-2013, 05:24 PM
luvs's Avatar
luvs luvs is offline
'lil yinzer~
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: pittsburgh, pa
Posts: 4,840
Thanks: 297
Thanked 508 Times in 335 Posts
luvs will become famous soon enoughluvs will become famous soon enough
Default Re: the bitch

my Dad says it's not perfect & to make changes. says the sync is imperfect. well, i knew that. jagov.
that is the very last time he hears my thoughts on paper spoken aloud--
__________________
bring it; don't sing it!
Yeah, STEELERS!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 01-30-2013, 05:32 PM
Doc's Avatar
Doc Doc is offline
Forum Admin

 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 32,245
Thanks: 14,384
Thanked 11,260 Times in 4,713 Posts
Doc will become famous soon enoughDoc will become famous soon enough
Default Re: the bitch

Interesting. I know how hard it is to share you innermost feelings / thoughts etc. Especially in prose. Nicely done.

I have to mention one thing that just does not fit. I know you never asked for our thoughts on what you wrote but I can't help but comment. The title does not fit the prose at all. If anything it is the exact opposite and now I'm thinking maybe that was on purpose and it just woshhhed right over my head.
__________________
Scott me up Beamy.

Other Fun Forums:

Weekend Mudders + Net Tractor and RTV Talk + Net Cooking Talk
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 01-30-2013, 06:30 PM
luvs's Avatar
luvs luvs is offline
'lil yinzer~
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: pittsburgh, pa
Posts: 4,840
Thanks: 297
Thanked 508 Times in 335 Posts
luvs will become famous soon enoughluvs will become famous soon enough
Default Re: the bitch

thanx, doc.
the title is on purpose. nothing whoosed on over u,.....
__________________
bring it; don't sing it!
Yeah, STEELERS!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
ride that bitch.... Galvatron Open Forum 1 12-14-2011 07:09 PM
What a Bitch! Deadly Sushi Junkman's Corner 3 07-07-2008 10:24 PM
FDR is One EVIL Son of a Bitch Deadly Sushi Political Debate Forum 0 01-16-2008 11:38 PM
Mean bitch beat up my Boy! BigAl Pets & Livestock Forum 11 11-17-2007 07:12 PM





All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:28 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 2002 - 2018 www.ForumsForums.com