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Elderly Men

thcri

thcri

Gone But Not Forgotten
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
 
thcri

thcri

Gone But Not Forgotten
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said,
"What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know.. The one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night ?
 
thcri

thcri

Gone But Not Forgotten
HulaMac said:
I'm almost there, htcir... no, crith... no, whatever the heck your name is.:unsure:
Click to expand...

Most people call me Murph :thumb: well at least to my face anyway :hide:


Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
 
D

darroll

Guest
After 25 years together a man & wife see a marriage counselor. The counselor asks what is their problem and the wife lists a long series of complaints. The counselor walks around his desk, embraces the wife and kisses her passionately. Then he turns to the husband and says, "That is what your wife needs ~ at least three times a week! Do you think you can do that?" "Well, I can drop her off on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays I fish.
 
thcri

thcri

Gone But Not Forgotten
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations.
I've changed my will three times!"
 
HulaMac

HulaMac

New member
Thanks for the laughs.
fetch-1.gif
 
pirate_girl

pirate_girl

legendary ⚓
GOLD Site Supporter
An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was
greeted by a much younger salesman. "Is there something in
particular I can show you?" he asked.

"Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa."

"You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested.

"Sectional schmectional." she bitterly retorted. "All I want is
an occasional piece in the living room!"

:w00t:
 
pirate_girl

pirate_girl

legendary ⚓
GOLD Site Supporter
Joe still enjoyed chasing girls when he got to be 70.

When his wife was asked if she minded, she answered, "Why should I be upset?

Dogs chase cars, but they can't drive."
:tongue:
 
NorthernRedneck

NorthernRedneck

Well-known member
GOLD Site Supporter
This is a true story!

A few years ago when my great grandfather, age 99 at the time and still driving and camping etc, and I were sitting down talking. I asked him how he met his girlfriend of 14 yrs. He told me that he was 87 at the time when he went to a senior's supper. He didn't have anyone to go with so he asked a nice lady if she would go with him. She was 67. He told her he was ony 73. They liked each other and continued dating for 14 years till we had a family reunion/birthday party for him. Needless to say, she was a little shocked when she read the banner that said "Happy 99th Birthday!" She thought he was still in his 80's.

I asked him why he would have told her at age 87 that he was only 73. He replied quite frankly, "Well, I thought it was just a one night stand!"

:bonk:

True story!
 
thcri

thcri

Gone But Not Forgotten
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking
down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris
and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc:
'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"


The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said,
'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."

 
pirate_girl

pirate_girl

legendary ⚓
GOLD Site Supporter
thcri said:
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking
down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris
and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc:
'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"


The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said,
'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."

Click to expand...
:rolf2:that is worth a rep point!
 
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