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A couple funnies

bczoom

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Staff member
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A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk.
Did he tell you what caliber to get?" asked the clerk."
"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him!"

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A tough old Montana cowboy once told his grandson that, if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously, and he lived to the age of 93. When he died he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren ... and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

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The Vietnam War has drawn to a close. The U.S. Army gives 3 Soldiers a chance to earn some money because of a lack of medals earned in the field. The 3 Soldiers, two PFCs and a Corporal, are standing in an infirmary in Ft. Benning, GA awaiting the docs.
The doc tells the soldiers the parameters of the idea: each Soldier gets to pick two spots on his body, and for every inch separating those two points, $1,000 would be awarded.
The first PFC tells the doctors he would like to be measured from the tip of his head o the soles of his feet. He is measured at 6 feet even, so he receives a check for $72,000.
The next PFC spreads his arms to the side like wings and requests to be measured from tip to tip of his outstretched middle fingers. It's an impressive 8 feet 6 inches, so he is awarded $102,000.
The Corporal grins at the doctors as he requests to be measured from the tip of his "baton" to the base of his scrotum. The doctor pleads with the Corporal to reconsider, but the Corporal is adamant. The doctor finally gives in, instructs the Corporal to drop trou for a measure. All of a sudden the doc exclaims, "Just where is your scrotum, Corporal?" He replies with a smile, "Back in Ho Chi Minh City, Sir!"
 
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