thcri
Gone But Not Forgotten
UPS Airlines
> Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
> school diploma to fix one; a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in
> our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
> which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct
> the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the
> gripe sheets before the next flight.
> Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are
> some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a
> P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
> By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
> accident.
.
.
.
.
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> *
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> *
> P: Something loose in cockpit
> S: Something tightened in cockpit
> *
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
> *
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> *
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
> *
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> *
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what friction locks are for.
> *
> P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> *
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
> *
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
> *
> P: Aircraft handles funny.
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> *
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
> *
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
> *
> And the best one for last
> *
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
> pounding on something with a hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from midget
> Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
> school diploma to fix one; a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in
> our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
> which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct
> the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the
> gripe sheets before the next flight.
> Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are
> some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a
> P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
> By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
> accident.
.
.
.
.
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> *
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> *
> P: Something loose in cockpit
> S: Something tightened in cockpit
> *
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
> *
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> *
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> S: Evidence removed.
> *
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> *
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> S: That's what friction locks are for.
> *
> P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> *
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> S: Suspect you're right.
> *
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
> *
> P: Aircraft handles funny.
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> *
> P: Target radar hums.
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
> *
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> S: Cat installed.
> *
> And the best one for last
> *
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
> pounding on something with a hammer.
> S: Took hammer away from midget
funny for sure, but recycled. I heard it in relation to the USAF.
