Feel free to add to these ....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Thou shalt not rent the movie Chocolat.
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a
friend out of jail within 12 hours.
4. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without
recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call
bullshit. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable
exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)
5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits
forever.
6. The maximum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running
late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every
point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
7. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is
forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
8. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In
fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional.
9. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying
to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your
good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to
speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
10. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and
he, in return, is required to grant it.
11. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and, more importantly, the
ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
12. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem-you didn't see nothin'.
13. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
14. (Gas Warfare Act) you may flatulate in front of a woman only after
you've brought her to climax. But if you trap her head under the covers
(Dutch Oven) for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially
your girlfriend.
15. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
supermodel...and it's free.
16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
sober enough to fight.
17. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must
jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have
caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin'", then you
may sit back and enjoy.
18. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting:
"Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" "Another set and
we can hit the showers." "Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"
19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
but not both. That's just plain mean.
20. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing:
either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a
nod is all the conversation you need.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. Thou shalt not rent the movie Chocolat.
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a
friend out of jail within 12 hours.
4. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without
recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call
bullshit. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable
exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)
5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits
forever.
6. The maximum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running
late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every
point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
7. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is
forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
8. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In
fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional.
9. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying
to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your
good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to
speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
10. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and
he, in return, is required to grant it.
11. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and, more importantly, the
ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
12. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem-you didn't see nothin'.
13. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
14. (Gas Warfare Act) you may flatulate in front of a woman only after
you've brought her to climax. But if you trap her head under the covers
(Dutch Oven) for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially
your girlfriend.
15. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
supermodel...and it's free.
16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
sober enough to fight.
17. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must
jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have
caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin'", then you
may sit back and enjoy.
18. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting:
"Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" "Another set and
we can hit the showers." "Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"
19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
but not both. That's just plain mean.
20. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing:
either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a
nod is all the conversation you need.
