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Chicago Snowstorm delays 100's of Chicago murders

Melensdad

Jerk in a Hawaiian Shirt & SNOWCAT Moderator
Staff member
GOLD Site Supporter
As reported by The Onion :th_lmao:

https://www.theonion.com/snowstorm-in-chicago-delays-hundreds-of-morning-murders-1819574592


CHICAGO—The city of Chicago is steadily recovering from an overnight snowstorm that delayed hundreds of murders on Friday morning and will likely continue to push numerous homicides across the city drastically behind schedule, public authorities announced.

“As we speak, maintenance crews are working diligently to restore public transportation, de-ice roads, and clear back alleyways so that Chicagoans can quickly resume murdering again,” Department of Streets and Sanitation spokesman Dave Michelson said of the heavy blizzard, which caused numerous homicide cancellations this morning at peak murder times. “Unfortunately, we’re backed up by about 35 deadly shootings at the moment, but we hope to restore regular death tolls as soon as possible. We apologize to anyone forced to postpone shootings or other killings today and assure concerned murderers that they will be able to resume slayings by the early afternoon.”

At press time, authorities reported that murders were up and running in many parts of the city, with four teenagers already gunned down on Chicago’s South Side.
 

Jim_S

Gone But Not Forgotten
GOLD Site Supporter
So instead of gun control all Chicago needs is some snow machines? :yum:
 

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tiredretired

The Old Salt
SUPER Site Supporter
Be nice if all those EBT card carrying worthless MFers would get buried in a snow bank and not found till spring. :th_lmao:
 
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