Jack was at the country club for his weekly round of golf and what a round it was: he began with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on two. On three, he scored his first hole-in-one. Then his cell phone rang. It was his doctor. "Your wife has been in a terrible accident and is in critical condition in the ICU." "I'll be there as soon as possible!" Jack said. But as he hung up, he realized this might just the best round of golf of his life. "Maybe just a couple more holes wouldn't hurt," he thought. By the time he finished the eighteenth hole, he had shattered the club record with a 61! Although jubilant, he also felt guilty about ignoring his wife. He dashed into the hospital and found the doctor in the corridor. "Doc! I got here as fast as I could. How is she?" The doctor glared at him. "You bastard! You finished your round of golf, didn't you? I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out there enjoying yourself, Annie has languished in the ICU! For the rest of her life, she's going to require fulltime medical care ...from you!" Jack felt so guilty that he broke down in tears. The doctor snickered. "Nah, just kidding! She died two hours ago. How'd you shoot?"
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A little old lady asked to join a biker's club. The head biker was amused, but asked if she was prepared to meet certain biker membership requirements. She was. "Do you have a motorcycle?" "Yep. My bike's parked over there." "Do you drink?" "Yep. I drink like a fish." "Do you smoke?" "Yep. Like a chimney!" The biker was impressed. "Last question: have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" The little old lady thought a moment and replied, "No, but once I was swung around by the nipples!"
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A little old lady asked to join a biker's club. The head biker was amused, but asked if she was prepared to meet certain biker membership requirements. She was. "Do you have a motorcycle?" "Yep. My bike's parked over there." "Do you drink?" "Yep. I drink like a fish." "Do you smoke?" "Yep. Like a chimney!" The biker was impressed. "Last question: have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" The little old lady thought a moment and replied, "No, but once I was swung around by the nipples!"