temper tantrums!!!

[kitty]

My son is two and a half and he screams all the time!!!!every time i tell him no.yea i know the terrible twos are here BUT he also gets mean and hits...any ideas on how to handle it???ive tried everything nothing seems to work!!!!:censored:

[thcri]

What have you done or tried so far?

[kitty]

well i have put him in his room,time out,tried to get his mind on something else...that makes it worse...grrr..he screams loud to!!he will not listen what so ever....and he knows am i usually busy with the baby.

[The Tourist]

My Dad was a disciplinarian and I was an angry young man. We never found that balance.

I will tell you this. Five years ago my wife and I bought two dogs. And as young dogs will do, they got into everything. So much so, that I thought they were testing me. A book written by an "expert" suggested that they are pack animals, and need an alpha-dog.

About the twentieth time they peed on the rug, I rushed into the room and barked like a big dog. They hid in their carrier, afraid to come out, and the condition did not improve.

Many people quote the Ten Commandments in terms of "Honor thy Father and Thy Mother." Given this verbiage, it sounds like the impetus must come from the child.

But the Bible also says, "Fathers, do not drive your sons to anger."

Yes, we have rules. The dogs are house broken, I seldom have to raise my voice, and they know perhaps three dozen words--both in commands, rewards and directives.

But this relationship--even with a dog--developed more from love, patience and the demonstration that my directives provided a benefit for us all.

Your son is obviously testing you. But if you return anger for anger, then all you teach him is that his outburst is the accepted problem solving method in the home. You'll only get more of the same.

My dogs love me. As for my Dad, *sigh* all he got from me was the sight of a motorcycle taillight leaving town...

[thcri]

well i have put him in his room,time out,tried to get his mind on something else...that makes it worse...grrr..he screams loud to!!he will not listen what so ever....and he knows am i usually busy with the baby.

Is he jealous of the younger one?

[pirate_girl]

My son is two and a half and he screams all the time!!!!every time i tell him no.yea i know the terrible twos are here BUT he also gets mean and hits...any ideas on how to handle it???ive tried everything nothing seems to work!!!!:censored:
Lay down on the floor and show him a temper tantrum.
Scream and kick your legs.
He'll look at you like:blink:.. the message will be sent.. he may never do it again.

[kitty]

My Dad was a disciplinarian and I was an angry young man. We never found that balance.

I will tell you this. Five years ago my wife and I bought two dogs. And as young dogs will do, they got into everything. So much so, that I thought they were testing me. A book written by an "expert" suggested that they are pack animals, and need an alpha-dog.

About the twentieth time they peed on the rug, I rushed into the room and barked like a big dog. They hid in their carrier, afraid to come out, and the condition did not improve.

Many people quote the Ten Commandments in terms of "Honor thy Father and Thy Mother." Given this verbiage, it sounds like the impetus must come from the child.

But the Bible also says, "Fathers, do not drive your sons to anger."

Yes, we have rules. The dogs are house broken, I seldom have to raise my voice, and they know perhaps three dozen words--both in commands, rewards and directives.

But this relationship--even with a dog--developed more from love, patience and the demonstration that my directives provided a benefit for us all.

Your son is obviously testing you. But if you return anger for anger, then all you teach him is that his outburst is the accepted problem solving method in the home. You'll only get more of the same.

My dogs love me. As for my Dad, *sigh* all he got from me was the sight of a motorcycle taillight leaving town...
yea i do yell....sometimes i try to talk calm to him but it dont work and when i get on to him his daddy saves him and he knows it....:furious:

[darroll]

Could he be jealous of your baby getting most of the attention?.
Swat him on the fanny.
I’m from the old school. Don’t know if they do that anymore.

:hide:

[kitty]

yea he is jealous but he acted this way before not as bad.and i have screamed like him he just looks at me the continues on....

[kitty]

Could he be jealous of your baby getting most of the attention?.
Swat him on the fanny.
I’m from the old school. Don’t know if they do that anymore.

:hide:
oh i have he just tells me oh that didnt hurt do it again...i dont want to hit him so hard it leaves a bruise...:sad:

[Big Dog]

This is how I handled it. I did not spare the rod ............ time out don't work at that age IMHO

First time ask nice to stop and explain the behavior is not allowed, tell him you love him.

Second time do the same but tell him the consequences (good ole fashion ass whoopin)

Third time follow through with what was outlined above. A welt or two across his rump will remind him how it got there every time he sits down.

My sons turned out great and are true gentlemen, we are a tight family!

[Av8r3400]

his daddy saves him and he knows it....

Problem identified. Inconsistency.

(In my unqualified opinion, I'm not a parent.)

[thcri]

I really didn't have many problems with our kids. One thing both my wife and I agreed together. If your husband and you don't then nothing will ever work. My son one time did give me a rough time and I did spank him good. Hurt me more than him I think; but he never ever crossed me again. Maybe instead of mom doing the deed maybe it is time for hubby to step in and give him a good spanking.

[CityGirl]

At this age, it is very important to establish with your child that No means No. Never ever let no be negotiable. This was the best advice I ever received from my mother. When my children were at that age, they didn't pull these stunts more than twice because my response was consistent.
They don't get to tell me "no". I would stop what I was doing. Take them to their room telling them "When I tell you to do something, you do it. You don't tell me no. That is disobedient and disrepectful and when you are disobedient or disrepectful you are going to get a spanking." (sets the terms) I would sit on the bed turn them over my knee and give them up to 3 thwacks on their little bare backsides with a bolo paddle (ball removed). It stung and might have left a red mark but no bruising and this in not abuse. I never hit my children out of anger. THAT is abuse. Discipline requires discipline. If you are angry and think a spanking is in order, send them to their room and wait until you have your feelings under control.
Children need to know their boundaries. It provides security. If you don't win this battle now, you will have bigger battles in the future that you may not win and your child will be the loser. It's called Tough Love.

[CityGirl]

I will never forget when our daughter was about 3, I came home from work and my MIL, who had been caretaking for the day, met me at the door and she said something along the lines of "Your daughter has been horrid. She has sassed Grandma and she said sh%t." Well, I wasn't raised talking like that so you can guess who she picked it up from..... :whistling: So, I took her to her room and explained to her why she was in trouble and that because of her behavior she was going to get a spanking.
She began to cry and said "Don't pank me Momma, I won't say no more sh%t." WEll, I had to leave the room and go somewhere to laugh. I came back and administered her spanking and then we called Dad. When I called CB and told him what had happened. He wanted to speak to Hayden so I put her on the phone. I could hear him as he spoke to her and I heard him say "Now, Hayden, I know Daddy talks like that sometimes but...." and somewhere in here, Hayden interupted him and said "yeah, I know and you're in trouble and you're gonna get a spanking when you get home"...Again, I was rolling on the floor. That has been 14 years ago. I remember like it was yesterday.

[k-dog]

I have 3 kids (2, 5, and 12) and they all know if they don't listen they will get a good ole fashioned ass whoopin'. I do not abuse my kids by beating them but they will get their behind smacked. Very rarely do the oldest two get spanked anymore because they know the deal. The 2 year old is learning but is more stubborn than the other two were.

The most important thing is the parents must be on the same page. We discuss punishments in private and not in front of the kids that way we can show a united front and they cannot play us against each other.

My 12 year old was in school and a kid was bragging that she did not get spanked because she would go to the guideance counselor and tell. My daughter promptly replied, I would never do that because I got it too good at home and I deserve the spanking most of the time.

[Tractors4u]

CityGirl makes some very good points. You don't have to bruise to spank effectively. You just need to get their attention. Different things work for different children. My wife came from a no spanking back ground and I did. Our youngest daughter finally broke my wife and made her a spanking mom. Once you have their undivided attention, the time outs and such are much more affective. Rolling around in the floor and screaming to show them how they are acting is ridiculous and does nothing more than entertain the child.

[PBinWA]

1. Consistency across the parents. If your husband isn't going to support you then nothing is going to work. Get some ear plugs and let him deal with it.

2. Say what you are going to do and then do it. Don't threaten a punishment and then never follow through. It's night and day in my house. My wife rarely follows through and the kids know it - they will just ignore her pleas and warnings. Not so much with me. ;)

3. Be creative in your punishments and don't be lazy. I have stripped my daughters rooms bare of everything they covet. Spankings can loose their effectiveness. I have one child that I rarely ever have to spank. The other one (the "bad" one) can take a spanking and two minutes later be back to her old tricks. I have taken all her clothes and toys out of her room - everything. Left her with nothing to wear but "boy" clothes (she likes dresses) and then she has to earn her stuff back through good behavior. Nothing like time-out in an empty bedroom (I always leave books in there) to make it more like punishment. Timeout in a room full of toys isn't really punishment. Timeout can't be done in a corner of an "active" room where they can see and draw attention. Make it truly jail-like.

However, I would strongly emphasize point number 1 above. If your husband is going to undermine you then you need to address that. I had to address it with my wife and still have to make a big deal about it occasionally - more than I wish I had to.

[pirate_girl]

Rolling around in the floor and screaming to show them how they are acting is ridiculous and does nothing more than entertain the child.
Ya think?
All it took was 1 time for me to show Ty how silly he was being.
He never did it again.
I never had to spank the boys much for anything, but when I did, they got it good, always followed up with hugs and kisses later.
What works for some parents disciplining their children doesn't work for all.
They are now ages 30 and 25. They could probably remember every time they were corrected. ;)

[CityGirl]

Lay down on the floor and show him a temper tantrum.
Scream and kick your legs.
He'll look at you like:blink:.. the message will be sent.. he may never do it again.


The only behavior i have addressed via mimickry is biting. I agree with tractors. Rolling on the floor will definitely be entertaining but a biting child, if they get bit back....that will generally stop them. (and that is the last resort when all other methods to stop the biting fail.)

[CityGirl]

Ya think?
All it took was 1 time for me to show Ty how silly he was being.
He never did it again.
I never had to spank the boys much for anything, but when I did, they got it good, always followed up with hugs and kisses later.
What works for some parents disciplining their children doesn't work for all.
They are now ages 30 and 25. They could probably remember every time they were corrected. ;)

Glad it worked for you and definitely is worth a try. If it is not effective you move on to the next hopefully effective method. And definitely followup the spanking with hugs and kisses. Reinforces you hate the behavior and love the child.

[PBinWA]

Glad it worked for you and definitely is worth a try. If it is not effective you move on to the next hopefully effective method.

Yeah, anything is worth a try. Keep trying new things until you find something that works.

[RedRocker]

Beat the kids ass and cut "daddy" off if he interferes, if that doesn't work beat his ass too!

[pirate_girl]

Beat the kids ass and cut "daddy" off if he interferes, if that doesn't work beat his ass too!
muwaahahahahaha!!!

[Tractors4u]

I'm reminded of the movie Talladega Nights. Ricky Bobby and his two obnoxious kids moved in with Ricky's moma. She threatened to "paint their back porches red". One of the kids said, "you're gonna break us like wild horses aren't you?"

[kitty]

they are all good ideas and thanks....i had to spank him this morning he hit my little baby with one of his toys!!he threw a fit so i just made him stay in his room and he fell asleep

[Trakternut]

I see the difference of opinion between your husband and yourself to be the biggest stumbling block in fixing your problems. However, as was mentioned, drawing a line and not backing down is your next best option. Once a kid learns that a parent can't be pushed beyond a point, they learn. It may take awhile, but, they learn.

I know I did. :whistle_lips:

[RedRocker]

My step daughter and her 4 yo and 1 yo live with us. The 4yo is hell on wheels and was running the show. Finally Mom stepped up to the plate and took charge, it has made a big difference in his behavior. In our situation it's grandma that is the problem, she's a pushover and takes way too much crap IMHO.

[rback33]

Beat the kids ass and cut "daddy" off if he interferes, if that doesn't work beat his ass too!

You beat me to it RR. Without a unified parental front you are dead in the water. That is the number one thing that my wife and I agree on. All kids are different. Putting Hannah in time out was not very effective. Putting her STUFF in time out was. She HATED losing her toys. She has taken her fair share of spankings as well. CB and CG have had the pleasure of eating with Hannah:shock:... There have been lots of good suggestions here, but nothing will work if the numbskull does not back you up.

[darroll]

This is the main reason that parents are bigger than their children.
The parents can make them mind.

[kitty]

Beat the kids ass and cut "daddy" off if he interferes, if that doesn't work beat his ass too!
he he u are too funny and there are days i have came close to beating his dads ass...:thumb:

[kitty]

yea thelast few times i have punished rilry his dad stayed out of it cause i yelled at him...i told him he cant baby him when i try to get on him...i think he realized it worked..

[RedRocker]

I've gone round and round with the wife over this very topic. When he was a toddler she was trying to stop him from messing with a ceramic gizmo on the floor with constant No, no, no, no, no and so on. I snatched him up and swatted his leg and to this day he's never touched it again. His Mom has really had to crack down due to blatant disrespect and misbehaving. You hang in there and he'll be a little gentleman you'll be proud to take places, you don't and there'll be hell to pay.

[Tractors4u]

We were driving home one afternoon when Sarah was being unruly in the backseat. The wife told her to knock it off over and over again. I had decided to keep my mouth shut since I am wrong so often. Finally when the 3 year pld said "no" Rhonda told her that if she said no one more time we were pulling the truck over. I thought "yeah right". Well Sarah said no and Rhonda said "stop the truck!" She jumped out and commenced to wearing a butt out on the side of the road. It was the first time she had come through on a disciplinary promise. Nothing works unless you back it up.

[kitty]

We were driving home one afternoon when Sarah was being unruly in the backseat. The wife told her to knock it off over and over again. I had decided to keep my mouth shut since I am wrong so often. Finally when the 3 year pld said "no" Rhonda told her that if she said no one more time we were pulling the truck over. I thought "yeah right". Well Sarah said no and Rhonda said "stop the truck!" She jumped out and commenced to wearing a butt out on the side of the road. It was the first time she had come through on a disciplinary promise. Nothing works unless you back it up.
yea i know thats my problem some days i just dont feel like fighting him....:furious:

[darroll]

When my kids were little and we were on a road trip. They were terrible, I told them I was going to stop the car and find a switch if they didn’t stop their bad behavior. They continued like I never noticed.
I stopped the car and went looking for a switch along the road and all I could find was about a twenty foot two-by-four. I picked that up and all I did was bump them foreword with the thing. They sounded like I had just killed them. They were little angel’s the rest of the trip.

[Galvatron]

Tantrums are mostly caused due to the child being frustrated and unable to explain what they want.....if a parent starts shouting back the child shouts and screams louder hence a stale mate....in most cases you need to understand whats causing the distress which can be hard if they are teething or having a tummy ache ect but also they want a toy or drink but cant find the words to express.

One way i found that works is to stay calm and when the problem is located find a picture of a tooth a toy drink ect (what caused the tantrum)and pin it on the fridge or a pin board....talk calmly and explain when they want this again they need to stay calm and point to the picture.

in most cases they grow out of this stage but i have found the more you make it an issue yourself the more of a problem it becomes....and yes as said before both parents and carers have to work together.

Pin point the reason and solve the problem.

Galv just sharing his random thoughts.

[benspawpaw]

seems like we all have an idea on how someone else should raise their kids. but does anyone want to keep him for a month or two. :dizzy: i would just leave the room when he starts that stuff. it worked well for my granddaughter, she doesnt do that near as much. i would leave the room and when she stopped i would come back, pick her up, and spend the next 10 minutes hugging her and telling her how much i love her. by the way, you can ask her how much does pawpaw love you, and she will spread her arms wide and say, way much. cute no?:brows: